She missed him terribly.
It seemed to happen less often now, but when the feeling struck it was sharper, more intense in the pain. No, she never forgot about him, how could she?
His death was the start of all this, after all. The tipping point of the metaphorical scales, therefore almost always on her mind. But that was the part that bugged her most, actually. Her brothers’ death was remembered as a tragedy, and it would always be considered as such no matter how it was viewed.
No, the it was the fact that it was viewed as “her-brothers-death-the-tragedy-that-started-it-all” that bothered her the most. For the life of her, she could never just view the loss of him as only that. The thought struck her that she hadn’t really, not since before she knew all that she did now, actually thought about just missing him. God, the way he had made her feel so safe. They had planned out their futures together, the inseparable two who would run the country, bringing it into the future, create change that would affect all the lives on Andres for the better. He would marry a strong Queen, and she would be happiest to help guide and teach her, then enjoy their children and help to be there for the family.
The remembered sound of his voice came to her then, it’s tone so much like their father’s, but still so young. It wasn’t a coherent sentence that she remembered, not even a specific word, but an impression of sounds and intonations, and it was still enough to choke her. Her eyes fell closed as she focused on that single sound, that single thread of beautiful noise as a rush of memory flooded her mind. She concentrated with all her will, dredging up the sharp, painful flow of consciousness that was all that remained of her beloved brother now. His visage became clear to her for the first time in months, more than a vague impression of dark hair and their father’s eyes and her heart squeezed painfully behind her ribs. She remembered the way he had looked that morning, the last time she had seen him happy and she couldn’t stop a small smile that moved her lips. Her mouth curved upwards as her heart ripped open, the fresh flow of pain something she welcomed whole-heartedly.
It wasn’t for all that had happened since his death that she hurt. It was this, just this single, beautiful moment in her memory that she was now in pain because of. No outstanding circumstances, no supernatural interruptions, no magic, no world.
Just her brother.
Just his death.
Just that she would always miss him from now on, in whatever shape her sadness took.
She was finally giving him the moments he had deserved for almost a year now, the undivided thoughts uninterrupted by something greater than himself, though he would most certainly have argued that it was not what he would want. She knew it was right though, to give herself the time to think of him without anything else. She hadn’t had the time for any kind of closure, any kind of acceptance that really counted within herself, and that was something he most definitely would object to.
Her mind conjured his voice once more, saying her name in the way that only he could, lovingly with a touch of humor and sternness. Siochan.
“Siochan?” The voice came from the left, familiar and concerned. She probably looked crazy.
Her reverie snapped and her eyes opened.
Just as she had known. Even her memories would never be long enough.
I really don't know where this came from. I was cruising through my SOF wallpapers, found one of Randall and was like "I miss him!" Then I wanted to write this so... I did. And here it is: